xa-warm-embrace-from-anax

 

  im sorry if this news is shocking, i just can't take the pressure anymore...i hope you understand

I may hate my body everyday and wish I was thinner, but I’m still gonna (try) to wear what I want regardless of my size. There are definitely outfits I might save till I’m thinner one magical day, but I’m only alive right now so I guess I’ll try to be hawt and crippling with mental illness and fat

  my childhood is a blur, but maybe that's just part of growing up. i think dieting will always make me feel safe...like a child...but isn't it kind of fucked up that my earliest memories are of disordered eating habits and crying in changing rooms?  idk honestly, i don't feel great when i restrict and go on pro-an* blogs, but they're so intertwined with my past they feel nostalgic. 

Dear Diary,  We made it! Can you believe how far we’ve come since those awkward middle school days? I can picture it now, me dressed as Lady Gaga on Halloween 2k12 or was it 11’? These memories sometimes blur together for me unlike you, but I honestly find it astonishing how much we have changed. Little me would be so proud of how far I’ve come, I know you’ve seen all the good and bad days (sometimes I forget on purpose or just because of the cruel side effects of having a mind that is always running). Some of the memories that I have been thinking about recently are the time we used to go to the lake with that rebel grrrl from down the street, the time I watched Hannah Montana for the first time and instantly knew I wanted to be remembered for something (a star if you will), and mainly the weeks of last summer when I mopped around the house depressed because I wasn’t happy in my own life. Today, I can honestly say that we are in a good place. Ever since I listened to the great adv...

 

  ...(or at least closer to what I looked like at my lowest weight in 6th grade at the start of my disordered eating habits).