it's crazy that she's only eleven...
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i feel bound by the physique that I had from the ages of 10-13...I hardly ate and everyday I spent thinking about calories
It was the only time in my life that I'd ever received male attention. It was the only time that my body was deemed acceptable. Even at my lowest weight, I still didn't feel good enough. I would do anything to look like this again, but I can never let myself truly come to terms with the fact that this is the physique of a child and I'm not a kid anymore....
if i ever get skinny...will i be too old to be pretty?
if I ever get skinny, will I be too old? I’m 21 almost 22 in a week and if it takes me 4 years to get there will it even be worth it? If I’m queer and I’m not after the Herero gaze does it even matter? Is this just because I’m trans or am I trans because I’m eating disordered. Do I want to d*e? is this worth it even if I’m old?
my last video...for awhile (THX FOR 300K SUBS!!) - turn on subtitles**
im sorry if this news is shocking, i just can't take the pressure anymore...i hope you understand
am i even body posi or just a hypocrite to myself (i don't love my body even tho i encourage self-acceptance) maybe im a coward or just mentally unstable
I may hate my body everyday and wish I was thinner, but I’m still gonna (try) to wear what I want regardless of my size. There are definitely outfits I might save till I’m thinner one magical day, but I’m only alive right now so I guess I’ll try to be hawt and crippling with mental illness and fat
i don't think im ready to be an adult, so maybe ill just diet to feel safe?
my childhood is a blur, but maybe that's just part of growing up. i think dieting will always make me feel safe...like a child...but isn't it kind of fucked up that my earliest memories are of disordered eating habits and crying in changing rooms? idk honestly, i don't feel great when i restrict and go on pro-an* blogs, but they're so intertwined with my past they feel nostalgic.
i don't remember writing this (or ever being this positive), but here's an entry from my old diary
Dear Diary, We made it! Can you believe how far we’ve come since those awkward middle school days? I can picture it now, me dressed as Lady Gaga on Halloween 2k12 or was it 11’? These memories sometimes blur together for me unlike you, but I honestly find it astonishing how much we have changed. Little me would be so proud of how far I’ve come, I know you’ve seen all the good and bad days (sometimes I forget on purpose or just because of the cruel side effects of having a mind that is always running). Some of the memories that I have been thinking about recently are the time we used to go to the lake with that rebel grrrl from down the street, the time I watched Hannah Montana for the first time and instantly knew I wanted to be remembered for something (a star if you will), and mainly the weeks of last summer when I mopped around the house depressed because I wasn’t happy in my own life. Today, I can honestly say that we are in a good place. Ever since I listened to the great adv...